Week 1 -Divorce ...

Divorce ... Why has it become so commonplace?

We live in a world where everything is disposable, unfortunately that has included our commitments to our children and spouses. I love the quote above because it shows why more marriage and families succeeded and it was the level of commitment shown in those days. It has become so easy to just give up or to only focus on one's own needs. It reminded me of a radio show I heard the other morning coming home from dropping my kids off from school. Each week they have a segment called "Group Therapy". A caller emails or calls in with a question and they take answers from others and the radio hosts also give advice. There was a man who called in with his concern because he felt his wife wasn't intimate with him as many times as he would like so he was considering a divorce. The responses broke my heart. They were purely selfish. 100% of those who called in said he was perfectly entitled to be with someone who would satisfy his needs and if she couldn't, to divorce her. Not one thought of her, not one thought maybe she was tired from taking care of the household, the kids, and working full time. Not one person advised him to ask his wife what he could do for her so she would want to be closer to him. In one 5 minute segment of a radio show, one could see why marriages are failing all over the country. 

 This man could have greatly benefited from the counsel of Elder Dallin H. Oaks in his conference talk, "Divorce". He stated,

"Now I speak to married members, especially to any who may be considering divorce. I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce.  Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce—especially where there are children—generate new conflicts."

 What can we do in our own marriages?

 With all of the chaos and stress in this world, it is easy to let it seep into our family life. This can cause other aspects of our lives seem more enjoyable and to bring greater happiness into our lives. I love how the quote above says we should love what we choose. I believe a great remedy to divorce is if the couple constantly reminded themselves and each other why they married each other in the first place. In the book, "Successful Marriages and Families, Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives", there is a really interesting chapter named, "Should I Keep Trying to Work it Out?". One of the things I found most intriguing is that is states that 75% of individuals who participated in a study who had once reported marital unhappiness were reported they were happy a few years later. I would hope that would give some hope to those who are considering divorce. If there is any glimmer of hope then work on it and don't give up.