Week 11 - Power Relations and Children ...

Power in our family relationships:
When we think of the word power, it invokes may different thoughts. For myself, I think of control, but I think of it with a gospel perspective it is not control, but teaching and sharing responsibilities.
We have a great responsibility to use make sure the power in relationships is used in a correct manner. First, the parents should be the leaders in the family. I love this quote by President Kimball.

 

 

Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and father can lead and guide and direct their children…. Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him.  If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him

(Spencer W. Kimball, TSWK pp. 340, 341).

 

I have always compared my relationship to my children to Heavenly Father's relationship with me. He gives me commandments and limits out of love so I do the same for my children. It is hard at times and sometimes you feel like you should give in because it is easier, but one must always remind themselves of their goals for their children. I want my children to be successful adults, capable of success in all of their endeavors and this will not happen if I give in to their every whim. This has been a struggle with my husband. The way children are disciplined is much different in his home life and culture than mine was. He also has hard time not giving into the cries of our children. Thankfully, as they have grown and he has seen the difference in how they act when we discipline them correctly from when we don't, he has come so far and now we work together for the benefit of our children.

 

Next, is the power in our marriage. Spouses are equal partners and each have different responsibilities. At times, as sad as it sounds, some men have decided that because they have the priesthood, it gives them power to control. The following talk from Elder Richard G. Scott gives a perfect outline of how a man should act as a priesthood leader in his own home.

Men are not always the guilty parties when it comes to control in marriage. Some wives try to control their husbands in aspects of finances, church attendance, etc. Most of the time, the only thing accomplished by this is pushing them away. I have learned this in my own marriage and have learned to allow my husband his agency as I want to be allowed mine. The following talk gives some great advice on how we can have a better marriage.

Marriage without manipulation. Larry K. Langlois 

 

Family Council: 

The great leaders of this church have provided us with a great example on how we should lead our families. When they meet together, the room is filled with the spirit and they don't allow contention to enter. When I have participated in my own family council and I have followed the guidelines they have provided, I have felt the spirit so strongly. I feel what brings it in most is the expression of love and gratitude that is done before starting. This softens our hearts and allows us to be open and honest, it also invites the spirit and allows the discussion to flow without guile or contention.

 

Here are the guidelines given to us in this course:

Characteristics of the council the brethren typically have each week in Salt Lake City:

1.     Regular time and place to meet (temple each Thursday morning)

2.     A meeting agenda distributed in advance of the meeting

3. Beginning with expressions of love and concern for each member, individually
4. Opening with prayer, inviting the Spirit to assist with the process
5. A member invited to initiate discussion of the item by defining the problem and current status of decisions, etc.
6. Opening for orderly discussion (one at a time, "additive" rather than corrective comments from each member in turn, etc.)
7. On-going, focused discussion until consensus is reached, under the clear influence of the Spirit (as opposed to compromise)
8. Moving forward with unity in accordance with the decision reached
9. Often a snack or other unifying tradition (The brethren often enjoy chocolates and pie when they meet in the temple!)
10. Follow-up discussions of results and progress toward determined outcome

  

I know that if we strive to live these principles and lead with love and appreciation in our homes, we will be more united and the bonds of love with be strengthened. My experience has taught me this and I have seen great changes in my relationships when I have done it in my own life. Last of all, I want to share a talk. Elder Eyering teaches us perfectly how we can be one in our marriages.